Dating is scary enough on its own. Add a pandemic into the mix and the stakes are even higher. Organizing schedules for virtual dates, keeping a physical distance while trying to build a close emotional bond, all the while wrapping your head around the fact that the world feels like it’s ending. But when those connections form in unexpected ways, sometimes it is worth the sacrifices to discover something worth keeping—even in a pandemic.
When Annaliese Franklin and Jared Kassebaum discovered each other on a dating app one late night in Los Angeles, something exciting began to brew. Rewind to April 2020; Annaliese had just re-downloaded Hinge after taking a hiatus from online dating. Jared had been on the app for a few weeks prior to the first lockdown orders, going on the occasional coffee and dinner dates. But when they stumbled upon each other’s profiles, everything started falling into place—or at least that’s how it felt for Annaliese and Jared.
“It’s actually kind of funny because my job was the jumping off point for meeting Jared,” Franklin says. “We do this daily show and they were asking if anyone had been dating in the pandemic and if so, if they could share their story. I had been on Hinge but never really active on it, so I redownloaded it to see what would happen.”
Jared and Annaliese matched one late night in April, and a series of FaceTime dates ensued. What may be considered someone’s worst nightmare—sitting on video chat unsure of what to say or how to act when that awkward pause in conversation inevitably occurs—turned out to be some of the best dates the couple can remember.
“We spent four-ish weeks of just FaceTime or Zoom dates before we ever met in person, which were a sampling of some of the most amazing dates I’ve ever been on,” Kassebaum says. Turns out, the only thing needed to turn an awkward video chat into the best date ever is including games that encourage you to channel your inner goofball.
“For our second date we gave each other topics and presented a PowerPoint to each other. [Annaliese] gave me a wonderful history of Purdue University, which is my alma mater, and that made me feel very heard and seen,” Kassbaum says. “Then I gave a presentation on frogs and felt much less prepared as Annaliese, but hopefully just as fun.”
After conquering awkward video chat dates, Franklin and Kassebaum thought their connection might be worth taking to the next level in pandemic dating: socially distanced in-person dates.
“I remember feeling a combination of feeling sure of myself in life and feeling happy,” Franklin says. “Even though the world was so crazy, I was like, let’s just go for it and let’s just be as me as possible.”
Soon, the couple discovered their new favorite date spot—aside from their playful game nights on video chat, of course—the Los Angeles county parks. Taking turns ordering takeout and heading to their favorite parks quickly became the dating norm for Franklin and Kassebaum. Despite maintaining six feet between each other, the two still found ways to keep the (emotional) flame alive. “I remember just looking at Jared and thinking ‘Are you real?’,” Franklin says, laughing. “There was very much this feeling of being so happy and comfortable and just looking at [Jared] and being like, are you real?”
But as their emotional connection grew, it became harder to express their feelings while maintaining a safe physical distance.
“Eventually at the end of May we hugged for the first time which felt like a massive decision at the time. It was almost like, ‘Are we killing people by hugging?’” Kassebaum says. “That’s what we were asking ourselves at the time.”
What’s more, building a relationship through a phone screen sacrifices a lot of important, visual cues for feeling connected to another person.
“One thing I don’t think people realize about dating over FaceTime is that you don’t get to make eye contact with each other,” Kassebaum says. ”And eye contact is just such a good way to form that connection, romantic or otherwise.”
Franklin and Kassebaum’s relationship evolved alongside the COVID-19 pandemic. As conditions continued to change throughout the past year, the two have had to learn how to maintain healthy communication.
“We both placed a high priority on making sure each other’s feelings were heard and understood,” Kassebaum says. “That’s even more important digitally because you don’t pick up on the same body language so you have to ask, ‘How do you feel about that?’”
Even with COVID-19 conditions, one thing remains: communication is the foundation for fostering connections.
Despite how normal they have become, sometimes picking up the phone and calling or video chatting can help bridge the gap between feeling lonely when everything else is spinning internally.
Today, Franklin and Kassebaum look forward to the activities they can share for the first time as COVID-19 conditions continue to change. “It’s funny because we’ve done so many things that have allowed us to connect and get close, but we haven’t done any actual normal things like going to movies or dining,” Franklin says. Kassebaum adds: “We’re looking forward to going to Disneyland together, having a dance party or a board game night with friends, and visiting more out-of-state family.” As the couple celebrates their almost one-year anniversary, they share their advice for anyone looking to start something new as the world continues to evolve. “Anything worth pursuing is worth pursuing patiently,” Kassebaum says. “That applies to relationships, to career; if it’s only worth pursuing because it’s easy to get then you don’t want it that much.”
