On our first episode, We Talk being stranded on a hill, a date with mommy issues, and a nonconsensual tickle.
10 years ago, Tinder made its dating app debut and quickly became one of the most used and infamous outlets for lovers and one-night stands. To celebrate a decade of dates, co-hosts Kaili JiMei and Logan Stufflebeam sourced and handpicked the best WORST Tinder first dates stories to share on their mini podcast series, 10 Years of Tinder.
KAILI JIMEI, HOST: Hello, everyone. I’m Kaili.
LOGAN STUFFLEBEAM, HOST: And I’m Logan.
LOGAN: And welcome to our first official episode of.
KAILI AND LOGAN: Ten Years of Tinder.
KAILI: Sponsored by Urban Plains.
LOGAN: So in case you didn’t know, this year, 2022 marks ten years of Tinder. The dating app. You all love
KAILI AND LOGAN: or hate.
KAILI: And to celebrate a decade of matches and hookups and everything in between, we’ve handpicked some of the worst tinder date stories told by you all.
KAILI: Yes. So we got the stories. We asked for people to send in their worst tinder dates via Instagram, Instagram idioms. And we also created a Tinder account for outsourcing our information because we you we figured might as well go straight to the source.
KAILI: Yes. So I’m very excited for this. We got a lot of Tinder submissions that were kind of fluff stories, but then we got some that were very, very risque and interesting. So should we get into it?
LOGAN: Let’s go.
KAILI: All right. Do you want to read this first one or you want me to?
LOGAN: Go for it.
KAILI: All right. So this first submission was submitted by Coco from San Francisco. Hey, guys. So basically, I met with this guy I met on Tinder, who I knew from high school, and I’d always thought was super cute. We went to in and out to get shakes. And then we went up on this hill with a really nice view nearby.
KAILI: We met when we’re having a good conversation and just hanging out, and he went into Kiss Me, and I told him, I’m not trying to do anything because it’s our first time hanging out and I’m not like that. Then he gets so awkward. Literally, too minutes later, my car battery died and he called his sister to come pick him up and left me stranded on the hill.
KAILI: He didn’t even have a sister, helped me get my car back. Started up and it was pretty horrible.
LOGAN: L-O-L Can we just talk about, like, bad luck?
LOGAN: Uh, car battery dying on the first date? Not very chivalrous of this man to just leave her stranded like anyone minded. Like, imagine if you were just going out with your friends, and they were like, oh, your car died. Like, that’s too bad. And then left you.
KAILI: Yeah, that is Coco. I am so sorry that happened to you.
LOGAN: His sister, like, didn’t even help. Did she say that she called somebody? Like, who would you call if this happened to you? Like, what would you do? Honestly?
KAILI: If I was home, I think I would call my mom, but, I mean, here, I would call my roommates. But, OK, next, another topic of discussion matching with people from high school.
LOGAN: I definitely do it. Like, if I see someone that I went to high school with or that I know, like like if I see a mutual on Tinder, I’m definitely swiping right because I want to know if they swipe right on me. And there’s no other way to know if they did or not. Like, I want to know their opinion of me.
LOGAN: So I always do it.
KAILI: And if you don’t match.
LOGAN: I’m low key offended. Like, why not? And but then I wonder if they just, like, I don’t know, don’t want to swipe right on me because they know me. So I don’t know. I always do it.
KAILI: So I’m actually the opposite of you. I do not. I think it’s because I have this, like, complex that’s, like, high school that’s in the past. No, thank you. And I just move on and save myself the hurt if we don’t even match that. But, oh, well, I guess you wanna move on.
LOGAN: Yeah. All right. Our next one is from Ronnie, from Saint Paul. Hey, Logan and Kylie. OK, so basically, the guy looks nothing like his pictures, but I decide to give him a chance anyways, but the conversation lagged.
KAILI: I hate that.
LOGAN: I had one of my friends call me, and tell me I had to pick him up. So I said to the Tinder guy, my friend needs me to pick him up. I have to go. Frowny face. And this Tinder man’s said, Can I come with? And I was so confused. And he said, I need a ride home. Because in all, Kat’s mom had dropped him off.
So basically, I dropped him off at a bus station and then blocked him on all platforms. Not the worst thing ever, but it was definitely the most awkward interaction of my life.
LOGAN: That’s like a lot to digest. I feel like it’s a lot to unpack. OK, how do we feel if the person that you’re meeting doesn’t look like they’re pictures of you?
KAILI: Honestly, it is tough to continue going forward with the date because you’re like, how what? What went wrong?
LOGAN: Like trust. Like, first of all, you don’t know this person. So the only thing that you’re going off of is their photos. And it’s not like I’m judging them one way or another, but like, I don’t know. You like trust has already been like I don’t know, it messes with the whole the whole vibe, like, because you’re shocked at first.
But the most important thing is the conversation in the interaction. Exactly. And to hear that that wasn’t even good like and like poor conversation makes the situation so awkward. Anyways, so.
KAILI: So what does she do? She uses the old trusty getaway phone call. What?
LOGAN: What classic, classic move. I’ve never. I’ve never been that for someone else, but it’s definitely … It’s definitely a move that I have pulled before. I’ve seen my friend, like, come with me when guys dropped me off, like, physically. So, like, I’m definitely, I’m definitely a user of that.
KAILI: I think so. I’ve never personally used the getaway car or been someone else’s getaway call. I think I’m so nervous. I kind of just I do it to myself. I make myself sit through the day, and it’s.
LOGAN: Nice I definitely make up like I’ve used every excuse in the book. I blame things on my dog. I blame things my friends. Like, I’m like, yeah, sorry. They need me. So been there. Me, I got it.
KAILI: I need to take after you and Ronnie for sure.
LOGAN: Oh, OK. So this last one, do you want to get into it?
KAILI: I can. This one. Hang on tight because it is a long one. Hey, Logan and Kaili. So get this. One of my more terrible stories happened about a month ago. This is anonymous, by the way. I was hanging out with my friends dorm room, and this guy stopped me asking me if I wanted to hang out. I quickly looked him up on tenor and tried to decide if I should say yes.
It sounded like fun, but I told him right off the bat I did not want to hook up just to be safe. My first red flag should have been the red cowboy hat and goatee on his bitmoji. I even remember saying before he came that I would only hang out with him if he shaved his face. Well, anyway, he picked me up, and as I put my feet on the floorboard of his older white jeep, I felt my feet crunched onto a tiny pile of trash.
He had so much trash all over the floorboard of his car. It was so disgusting. The whole drive there. Retarded. But looking back at it, he didn’t ask me a single question about myself. I asked him about his job and his family, and by the end of the ride, I knew way too much about his family. He only even knew where I was from because I said it myself.
This should have been my second red flag, I guess. When we got to his place, he’s living in the basement. He had a pretty normal room and a cute dog. I can give him that. But we sat down to watch a show, and as soon as it starts, he tries to tickle me.
LOGAN: Oh, my gosh. It just makes me cringe.
KAILI: I cannot even imagine. So he tried tickling me, and I definitely laughed from being tickled. But something about a guy you just met tickling you is extremely uncomfortable. I remember kissing him and not feeling much, and then I just remember feeling very uncomfortable and even stopping throughout and saying things like, Sorry, I’m so awkward. It was just so weird.
He also was trying to brush my hair with his fingers or something, and it did not work. The drive back was fine, and I still have months. Not to this day, but we don’t talk much. Honestly, I should honored him because there’s no point in having him on slop anymore. That was a weird one.
LOGAN: Yeah, I was like, yeah, it was good for and good for them for having him on Snapchat. So because I’m a blocker, I would block me immediately and I want to know the aftermath of that. Like, did they follow up? Like, they’re like, no, that didn’t match. But well.
KAILI: Also good for her for sticking it out for the entire date. Yeah. Red flag after a red flag.
LOGAN: Oh, the tickling just makes me so uncomfortable. I’m not a touchy person. I don’t like it when people touch me. I don’t care how long I’ve known you. You’re not tickling me.
KAILI: I also don’t care how long I’ve talked to you leading up to this day tickling. There are just boundaries. On a first day that need to be established.
LOGAN: And you know what? It seems like there are boundaries established. Like they message and they were like, no hookup. So, like, the fact that this person tickled her like it rhymes. It seems like boundaries were pushed in a way like in a way that was like. Like this person stuck it out the whole time. They laid out boundaries and they were crossed and they were very obviously crossed.
LOGAN: And I think that’s why it makes me so uncomfortable and that’s why I don’t like the hair touching either. Like.
I don’t know. You need you need consent before you touch this head is all I’m saying. Don’t touch my hair. Don’t tickle me.
KAILI: This took way too long for.
KAILI: No, no. OK, so when people talk about themselves on a first date and that’s it, what what do you do?
LOGAN: Well, it’s almost like. Like, I mean, yeah, you just have to be like, OK, cool. Like, damn, that’s crazy. Like, cool. Like, what else can you say? And then, like, you try to say things like, oh, like, yeah, well, my family doesn’t know, and they don’t here they don’t care. So that is, like, really awkward. But I almost because I hate, like, sitting in silence, I would almost have it be filled up with horrible conversation.
KAILI: And then to be awkward.
LOGAN: Because I.
Hate silence, like, I would rather make something up than to sit in silence.
Yeah, I can do music and sit in silence. But yeah, there’s just a level of uncomfortability with being in silent cars. Someone you just met.
KAILI: Yeah, for sure. Even I think even if there is music on, like, you’re so expected, like, there’s such an expectation that you talk and that you carry on conversation. And I just feel like it’s like what do I want to say? Like, it’s just the way that you should act on the first date. Like, you should. You should have the impression that this other person cares about your life.
So they’re right. Definitely a red flag for sure. Hmm.
And can we talk about the bit moji?
LOGAN: Oh, my gosh, I. I don’t know how I forgot about the bitmoji. People’s messages say so much about them. Like, hi. I’m sorry. I do like, I update my bitmoji. Like, if I dye my hair that’s getting updated because, like, I don’t know, like, the people who have do you know, like, the, like, it would that creep me out the most are the hand-drawn looking ones that look like they’re like, yeah.
KAILI: X and not like they’re like the big emoji. Like, that freaks me out. Red flag. But like to really, I mean, it’s an extension of yourself it’s how you convey your personality. And if you know that you’re on Tinder and you’re only giving people your Snapchat, I can guarantee you that you’re paying attention to your messages. So.
Exactly. And that does that a teller of the times, because so many people on Tinder, I have found they either put it in their bio and they say ad man snap or you match. And they say, I had one guy say, let’s skip the small chat and just sent me his Instagram and Snapchat and it was just so weird.
But yeah, but nowadays you do update them. I find myself at three in the morning. I don’t know why these absurd times that I’m just changing the outfit. I never do it on the set.
LOGAN: So like people are doing that on purpose. So I think that’s a very strong indicator of like someone’s personality and who they are. So in what it does, like show how Tinder has changed throughout the years, like especially with this being like ten years of Tinder, like, I don’t know, with Snapchat around ten years ago, I feel like, no.
KAILI: No, it was that.
So very interesting to see how like that has changed, especially with like an increased presence of social media. Like there are definitely some people on Tinder who just want the followers and they hit you with that first.
LOGAN: Yes, absolutely.
Yeah. It’s all about, I feel like how we are perceived because like with your image that you design is what you think you look like. And so right now other people and maybe this is a whole other narrative with like catfishing. It’s like you only like you perceive yourself how you think you look and other people. Maybe that’s not what they see.
Right. And so like the whole like the previous story with Ronnie, like this person wasn’t who they who they were in pictures like throwing me off, first of all. But kind of the same like you can be catfished by the emoji for sure. Like if you have really no other context of what this person looks like, it’s important to keep that updated.
LOGAN: And it makes me think, have I ever catfished someone?
KAILI: Oh, definitely. You know, I will because no one, like no one’s life is like what it is on social media. So absolutely like you, of course, you’re only going to post your highlights on an especially Tinder like you’re only going to post like what you look the best in. And I don’t know, especially like in the Midwest, like, I feel like people are so concerned with keeping up and like doing the coolest thing and stuff like that.
LOGAN: And dating is harder in the Midwest. So, like, you want to find pictures that represent you well. So just keeping in mind, like how you come off to other people is really important. And that has definitely like the impact of social media has definitely impacted Tinder I agree.
KAILI: 100%. Well, I guess that’s it for this first episode.
KAILI: Yeah. So to recap on your next first date, don’t let them leave you stranded on the hill. Make sure that they have a ride home and never let them tickle you.
LOGAN: And if three stories were not enough, catch our next episode where we talk dead hamsters, Texas frat house and a house party gone absolutely wrong
KAILI AND LOGAN: Bye.